Quinn Mowrer Gustin
Age 20 (born 13 Jan 2002)24 Mar 2022
Salt Lake City, Utah (USA)
Suicide
Quinn died by suicide.
Quinn Mowrer Gustin’s mom says Quinn loved animals more than anything. She had an affinity for stray cats, and would regularly feed them. She was always there for her friends, and always knew how to make the people around her laugh. She was unapologetically trans and queer. She was always willing to defend anyone from the hatred of the world. Quinn lost her battle with mental health on March 24.
[Editor's Note: We don't know where Quinn passed away, but as she was from Salt Lake CIty that is the location given on this page.]
Her family were supportive, but as every trans person knows, there is nearly always someone who you once trusted who lets you down. The following (extracted from an article by her mum written 5 months before her death) tells a heartening but heartbreakingly familiar story:
November of 2017, my kiddo told me she was transgender and was a girl. This actually didn’t shock me at all – or even register too big. I kind of assumed it was a phase because of the boyfriend, but she had been prepping me over time so it wasn’t hard to hear. Honestly, I heard it but didn’t even register. I didn’t realize until about two years later that it had been her coming out moment! She didn’t feel the need to “keep it a secret” and said we could tell anyone we wanted – which, at the time, was no one!
The next month, we traveled to spend Christmas with family. I decided that my family members were the realest friends I had and I should “prep” them so that our now daughter could come out to them. The reaction from my in-laws was textbook awesome and they were SO compassionate and supportive. I went for a ride with two of my siblings and told them and they also were amazing. They expressed concern for my wellbeing but loved my kiddo unconditionally. They didn’t know anything about transgender people, but loved my daughter enough that it didn’t even matter.
Seems like a dream come true – but not quite. The hardest part came later that afternoon with our family gathering of about 20 (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc). One family member, who didn’t know about my kiddo yet, because time hadn’t allowed, started talking about the “weird” cashier at the local grocery store and how they were so uncomfortable because they don’t know if “it” was a He or She. The conversation went on and on in the most horribly transphobic fashion regardless of how many times I tried to subtly steer it in a more positive way. I hadn’t yet learned to breath fire and was more worried that my kiddo had left the room when the conversation started, than I was about teaching those making the terrible remarks how damaging they were. To this day, my child prefers to not be with this family member because she feels she saw their true colors before they knew she was transgender. It didn’t matter that I had tried to stand up for trans people – my daughter was crying and angry (at me, because she could) for not being a strong enough ally for the checker who was being persecuted behind their back. My fire had been lit and I vowed never to allow that in my presence from anyone.
That fall, she was using the new name with everyone and asked all of her teachers to call her Quinn. She presented exclusively female. She broke up with the toxic boyfriend. One day, I was approached by the yearbook teacher and asked how they should list her in the yearbook. I said I thought she would prefer to be called Quinn – but I would confirm. I casually mentioned it to Quinn and asked what she wanted. She sat up from lounging gloomily on the couch and with a look of awe and wonderment asked if I really would allow her to be listed as Quinn.
You know those moments where it feels like the clouds clear, the heavens shine down radiant heavenly beams, and the angels are singing because there is PURE JOY on your child’s face? This was that moment for us! After all of the pain and turmoil and hurt, this was our moment. It was the look on your child’s face the first time they see fireworks explode in the night sky, or on Christmas morning when piles of presents have appeared, or the magical look of true love. I would never be Public Enemy #1 again, and she would be Quinn forever.
Yes, she could be listed as Quinn and once again – it was us against the world.
We fought the fight against dysphoria together. I cried with her when she didn’t recognize her own reflection as herself. I never complained when she would shower in the dark or run the steamy shower for way too long so she couldn’t see her reflection in the mirror. I waxed her eyebrows, upper lip, and armpits. I helped her get eyelash extensions and learn to straighten her hair. I still try hard to understand why sleeping in jeans is emotionally the safest, even though I don’t “get it”. After many ups and downs, in April of 2019, after she decided to graduate a year early, we decided to look into hormone options. We found a terrific doctor who really worked to educate us and help us make the best decisions. The day she got her first prescription for testosterone blockers and estrogen shots – we celebrated! It was the best day of her life up to that point!!!
Rest in power, Quinn.
Quinn's Facebook and LinkedIn profiles are https://www.facebook.com/quinn.gustin.7 and https://www.linkedin.com/in/quinn-gustin-6b138a199/.
https://www.qsaltlake.com/news/2022/11/14/remembering-transgender-people-killed-in-2022/
https://www.mamadragons.org/post/our-journey-has-been-our-own
